The result is “This house doesn’t qualify for FHA financing.” Of course, this raises the obvious question of “why didn’t my realtor know this?” Very good question. Now my realtor and lender want me to apply for an 80/10/10 mortgage. I think I’m gonna back off and keep looking, and not plan on trying to purchase anything before July. Just the thought of trying to buy a house while I’m out of the country on my honeymoon makes my head spin with the logistical nightmare of it all.

And I think, if House #1 is still on the market in July, I may very well make them an offer at what we’re approved for with conventional financing.

I’d say of the whole experience of almost buying a house, I’m almost more relieved that it didn’t work out. It felt a little rushed. I’ll also be a lot more prepared next time we decide to make an offer on a house.

TV Announcer: The Real Estate Game is brought to you in part by: Bain vs Bain, archane Pennsylvanian case law screwing people over since 1874[1]

And Now, Everyone’s Favorite Game Show, where the winner gets to pay for his prize for the next 30 years, it’s The Real Estate Game.

***Queue Game Show Music, Snazzy Graphics. ***

And now your host, Chuck Woolery!

Audience: ***Applause***

Chuck: Great, let’s get started by meeting the perspective real estate!

First Up, House #1, is a rancher with a 2 car garage who consider’s his best features to be a basement built for entertaining and closets you have to see to believe!

Next, we have House #2. House #2 is another rancher, enjoys swimming in his in ground pool, and says his biggest fault is not finishing what he starts!

And finally, House #3, a third rancher today, has an above ground pool, and enjoys nights spent watching movies in front of his fireplace.

Glad to have you all here!

Houses: Glad to be on the market, Chuck.

Audience: ***Applause***

Chuck: Now, You all know our contestants today, Jay and Meg! Let’s start the game.

Jay: House #1, do you have broadband?

House #1 : Well, I’m always up for something new, and I’m within the correct wire length to my CO!

Audience: ***Laughter***

Jay: Great, great. House #2, same question.

House #2: Broad Band? you mean, like Heart? Yeah, I have that album. Baracuda!

Audience: BOOOOO BOOOO! HISS!

Jay: House #3, same question.

House #3: Oh, yeah. I’m already setup with a cable modem, and I qualify for DSL.

Audience: OooooOOOOooohhh!!

Jay: Wow, that’s great. House #1, if I select you, how long will my commute to Owings Mills be?

House #1: Well, you can either take 83 in about 50 minutes or use the Hanover pike and be there in about 45. I’m up for anything!

Jay: House #3, how about you? Same question.

House #3: On average, I’d say a little over an hour on 83.

Jay: Not bad. House #3, what would you say your 3 best qualities are?

House #3: I’ve got an above ground pool, I’m close to town, and I’m in a quiet established development.

Audience: “OOooooOOOooohhh!”

Jay: House #1, Same question.

House #1: I’ve got lots of room, a great basement and really nice patio above my two car garage.

Chuck: Well, you’ve heard from all the possible candidates, and now you’ve got to make you choice. For those of you at home who’ve never seen The Real Estate Game before, Jay and Meg will now write down the house they’d like and how much theirthey’re willing to pay over the next 30 years, and our houses have the option to turn them down if the number is too low! We’ll be back in 2 and 2!

House #2: What? You don’t like Heart?

So, that’s where we are. I think a very lowball offer on House #1, and once they finish lauighing at us, we’ll make a more reasonable offer on House #3. House #2 just has way too much work involved and I see no way of getting broadband there easily.

[1]I’m not sure if I have the case name right, and the year is completely made up. So sue me. Wait. Please, don’t.

It goes something like this:
1. The house I’m living in, is in a legal despute due to one of the former owners of the property committing suicide and the $15 Mil he’s leaving to his family isn’t enough, so they’re coming after us.
2. ?? *Legal stuff happens here* ??
3. Meg and I are house shopping.

Looking at houses makes me feel old. Getting married doesn’t make me feel old, and that’s for life. There is something about deciding to go into debt for the next 30 years that seems to focus the mind.

When walking through houses with a realtor, I end up looking at a house full of someone else’s life, trying see where mine fits. The first house we looked at, I remember when it was built. I used to ride the school bus past it everyday. Now I’m wandering through these people’s living room and bedrooms mentally trying to remove their stuff, and see where mine fits.

Then, we looked at a second house. This felt even stranger. Mr. and Mrs. Smith (their real name, but um, it might as well be a pseudonym) are right down the road from my parent’s house, and I used to sell them 4-H cookies. I remember riding my bike past their house, and I’d wave to Mr. Smith while he hit golf balls in his yard. Now, I’m looking through their living room, and I notice a pratice putter. I also notice some really trippy lamps from the fifties.

Then we go look at our final house for the day. I’ve been on the road where this house is, but never noticed it before. it’s a pretty nondescript house. Brick, two car garage. This is a house that I have no previous memory of, and it’s suddenly a lot easier to see where OUR stuff goes.

So, now we’ve submitted a credit application, and we’re waiting to see if our credit’s good enough to afford this place. On monday, we very well may be making an offer on this house. This is a very good thing, because Meg just told me that as of this weekend, our currently place will be up for sale in 60 days. Of course, if we aren’t approved for the cost of this house or if the house has already sold, everything will be up in the air.

Meg and I talked a lot last night, and we both want to make a house OUR home, instead of living in someone else’s home, like it’s felt like for the last year or so. No matter how much you rearrange the furniture, it still feels like some else’s house.

Well, the house we’re looking at in Glen Rock looks like it can get DSL. That will be a definite bonus.